You’ve been online too long if…

1. You’re upset because an obituary fails to mention the deceased’s new E-Mail address.

2. You try to order a movie from Blockbuster video by downloading it at 28,800 BPS.

3. You try to download chips and beer for the movie.

4. All the household pets mimic the soundblaster card for attention.

5. You hide the phone or ISP bill from the spouse because you may have to sell the family car to pay it.

6. You start naming the children, Prompt, Enter, Retry, & Abort to Continue.

7. The kids respond to Archie, Veronica, & Jughead only and you call your pet dog Gopher.

8. The pizza in the fridge asks to be moved further from what used to be the meatloaf.

9. You try to pay the paperboy via electronic transfer.

10. You’ve been surfing all day, have no tan, and the only water you’ve come in contact with is in the glass next to you.

11. Tech Support calls “YOU” for help.

12. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL” out loud.

13. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

14. You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to your significant other.

15. You keep begging your friends to get an account so “we can hang out”.

16. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

17. If you are male and see a female in the “Real” world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

18. If you are female and you see a male in the “Real” world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he’d IM you.

19. You don’t understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the “real” world is at your fingertips.

20. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

21. When you have intimate relationship, you no longer are concerned about intimate relationshipually transmitted diseases.

22. You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.

23. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always “yelling” at you.

24. You go up to people you are attracted to “in real life” and ask them for their GIF.

25. Your last intimate relationshipual experience was really just a “textual” experience.

26. You know what a “snert” is.

27. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to “check your mail” & while there you “just wanted to see who was online”.

28. You meet people from AOL in public & you have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their screen name.

29. You’ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.

30. When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they’d be on AOL so you don’t have to meet them in person.

31. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

32. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.

33. You have met over 100 AOLers.

34. When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have a profile you ask them for an age/intimate relationship/location check.

35. You understand the humor in all of this.

36. You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.

37. When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you ask them to go for you, and think they can.

38. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

39. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say “BRB” or “BBL”.

40. You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail (a.k.a. snail mail).

41. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

42. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say good-bye to everyone in a room.

43. You stop speaking in full sentences.

44. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up “giving” tech support to other AOLers.

45. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.

46. You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where people are you have met.

47. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.

48. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

49. Your significant other kisses your neck while you’re chatting and you think , “Uh oh, cyber intimate relationship perv.”

50. You go thru “withdrawal” if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

51. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

52. You understand what BIF ISO BIM means. (I wonder how many will get this one… If so, you’ve been hanging out in *strange* places).

53. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.

54. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

55. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL’s welcome screen.

56. You wait 6 hours online for a certain “special” person to come home from work.

57. You don’t know where the time has gone.

58. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.

59. Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have had.

60. You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.

61. You don’t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

62. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/ {{hugs}} or **kisses**.

63. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.

64. Your voicemail/answering machine message is “BRB, leave your s/n & I will TTYL”.

65. You type faster than you think.

66. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

67. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

68. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

69. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.

70. People say, “If it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!”

71. You dream in “text”.

72. Being called a Newbie is a “MAJOR” insult.

73. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you’re really bored.

74. You don’t want to leave in case you miss something.

75. You double click your TV remote.

76. You can now type over 70 wpm.

77. You have to be pried from your computer by the “Jaws of Life”.