Valentine's Winn

Valentine’s Cards Guaranteed to Work=======We’ve a date tonight, oh, Valentine! I hope I can stay calm! ‘Cause recently, I’ve only dated the lovely Mrs. Palm.=======Time to choose your Valentine! If I don’t seem up to snuff, another case of Ballantine and I’ll look good enough.=======All around the cobbler’s bench, I’ll chase you like a diesel. How can you tell when I’m ready for fun? Pop! goes my weasel!=======Candy, flowers, diamond rings: all things I can’t afford. I spent my cash on surgery to add inches to my sword!=======Let’s plan a trip to the falls of Niagra! Just me and you and my bottle of Viagra.=======Roses are red I like Spaghetti-O’s. Now what in the world rhymes with “fellatio?”=======You’ve been alone for two years now, and no one has been hittin’. So please be mine, Monica, and do me, like you did Clinton.=======I’d like to play a game with you — I’m thinking Naked Twister. I’ll bring the board and lots of wine. Could you please bring your sister?=======For you, I’ll fill up my boudoir with peace and joy and love. But please don’t ask if I would mind trying on a glove.=======My sugar-lumps, I love you so — you fill me with desire. I’ll still love you even though your hourly rate got higher.=======I promise to be good to you, and never treat you wrongly. (Besides, I’ll make you scream in bed — I’m hung quite like a donkey!)=======My skin is milk white, ’cause I’m online day and night, and my hair is rapidly going. But I’m post-IPO, and I’m rolling in dough — that should get your juices flowing.=======Roses are red, Politicians are sleazy. Will you be mine? (I hear that you’re easy.)=======R U 14F? Beep! You’ve got mail 🙂 But if U R a Fed, Eeep! I’ll get jail :-(=======Roses are red, tulips are yellow. You read me your poems, I’ll show you Longfellow.=======We’re both white trash, bred by the dozen, and now it’s time, to do me, cousin.=======Your assests are delightful. Your beauty’s not debatable. But what I like about you best, is that you’re not inflatable.=======Your skin’s like satin to the touch. Your visage is divine. I long for your embrace so much. (This crap works every time!)=======My silk sheets are cool, My lava lamp’s hot, If you’ll give me ten minutes, I’ll take the wet spot.=======Roses are reddish, and painfully thorny. With your S&M fetish they’ll make you quite horny.=======Valentine, let’s play “Love Basketball” — getting sweaty will be our goal. And I’ll try not to double-dribble as I take it to the hole.=======I’m sure that wine and candles help, when it’s nice girls that you’re wooing. But here’s a tip: Gimme fifty bucks, and we’ll get right to screwing.=======Roses are useless, violets are banal. Let’s skip the head, and proceed to the anal.=======I’m a sensitive man, I cry! I have fun! But get me aroused and I block out the sun.=======I don’t care that you’re short. It’s cute that you’re stout. As long as you’re willing to bang my brains out.=======I’m filthy rich and have no heirs, and I’ve got heart disease. Eleven mil can ease your cares, so get down on your knees.=======Roses are red, violets are blue. 12 inches of throbbing, quivering manhood, is waiting over here for you.=======You can always spot me even in a crowd, but you’d limp, too, if you were this well-endowed.=======My darling, I hope on this Valentine’s Day, you’ll share with me the night that I’ve planned. I ask you to throw inhibitions away — this ain’t my *heart* that I hold in my hand.=======This man would never hurt his soul mate, would he? This man would never cheat on you, would he? This man would never leave your side, would he? Guess what this man is sportin’ for you? Woody!=======Roses are red Violets are wanky I’ve just come in my pants Please pass me a hanky