The Top 9 Signs Your Roommate Is A Cannibal

9> You often wake up to find your hand in a pot of warm water — with potatoes and carrots.

8> Always clipping those “Flabby White Guy Helper” coupons.

7> All the empty McDonner’s containers he leaves around the apartment.

6> Maybe he said “head of lettuce” when you asked about what was wrapped up the refrigerator, but it sure sounded like “head of Cleatus.”

5> Every day, the same routine — he comes home from med school and lets loose a big, loud, formaldehyde-smelling burp.

4> Nervously changes the channel whenever “Cannibals Caught on Tape” comes on.

3> The tubby kid from across the hall is missing; she’s trying to decide which windows to click down on her Richard Simmons Food Planner.

2> Well, *you* sure didn’t buy that box of BitchQuick in the cupboard.

1> When you ask what he wants on the pizza, he always says, “Ask if they have buttocks.”

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

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