The Top 16 Things Observed at Harley-Davidson’s 100th Anniversary Bash

16> Not nearly as much leather on display as at last month’s Greater Milwaukee Dominatrix-and-Slave Convention.

15> Side trip to watch the Milwaukee Brewers canceled when it’s discovered that they’re a baseball team.

14> Drugs of choice? Tums, Viagra and sponsor Jack Daniel’s new “Hard Fiber” drink.

13> Jay Leno tarnishing the biker image by sporting a Hello Kitty T-shirt under his leather jacket.

12> Circa 1906 sepia prints of the first Harley mama to hoist her petticoat upon the beseechment “Prithee, display for us your cat-heads, madame!”

11> Thanks to “Hooked on Phonics,” most of the last decade’s tattoos were spelled correctly.

10> The teeth-to-tattoos ratio needs scientific notation to be expressed properly.

9> The mechanic who assembled the very first Harley showed up with his new girlfriend, Anna Nicole Smith.

8> In a stunning change, Siegfried for once taking the back seat to Roy.

7> Harley president’s speech interrupted by the dramatic drive-by of two hundred Segway-riding nerds.

6> Many of the bikers complaining that the teenagers at the campsite next door were making too much noise.

5> The two biggest gangs? Hell’s Lawyers and the Wild Accountants.

4> By the end of the weekend, legions of bandaged and bleeding hardcore outlaw bikers all regret having laughed at Rosie O’Donnell.

3> (1) Some celebrities are not universally recognized.
(2) All of the “Fab Five’s” heads fit in one dufflebag.

2> “I call it ‘Rolling Thunder’ — but my doctor calls it a spastic colon.”

1> Putting on the magical Sorting Hat to separate attendees into the two Harley Houses of Badassdor and Poseurpuff.

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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]