The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife (Part II)

16> “Sure you’ll get your figure back — we’ll just search 1985 where you left it.”

15> “Keys are on the fridge, honey. I’ll see you at the hospital at half-time.”

14> “Sure, the doctor said you’re eating for two – but he didn’t mean two orcas.”

13> “Honey — Come show the guys your Brando impression!”

12> “Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!”

11> “How come you’re so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?”

10> “Sweetheart, where’d you put that Victoria’s Secret catalog?”

9> “What’s the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out.”

8> “Hey, when you’re finished pukin’ in there, get me a beer, willya?”

7> “Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?”

6> “That’s not a bun in the oven — it’s the whole friggin’ bakery!”

5> “You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive.”

4> “Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support.”

3> “Yo, Fatass! You’re blocking the TV!”

2> “No, I don’t know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?”

1> “I know today’s your due date, but Larry just got a 10-point buck and that’s a reason to celebrate, too.”

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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]