The Top 15 Things Overheard at Office Holiday Parties

15> “All right, who’s the smartass who replaced the French onion dip with Wite-Out?”

14> “So I said to myself, ‘Jell-O mold — moldy Jell-O… who’s gonna know the difference?'”

13> “A Chia Pet instead of a cash bonus! How creative of you, sir.”

12> “Hey, did you remember to let the boss out of that rat hole outside of Tikrit?”
“Me? I thought *you* were supposed to!”

11> “Hey, baby, wanna be today’s guest of honor in my blog?”

10> “I know it’s a photocopy of Jenkins’s buttocks, but you’ve got to admit, it does look like Santa.”

9> “*There’s* a holiday scene for you: Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer sitting at the table with VP Little Dumber Boy.”

8> “I forgot the party was tonight, until I realized that the entire IT department smells like Old Spice.”

7> “So he crosses out the ‘A451,’ writes ‘A578’ at the top, and tries to resubmit it! Can you believe that guy? An A451! Hahahahaha!”

6> “Sorry Boss, you know the rule: no bonus, no oral favors.”

5> “Take your clothes off, men — time to go skinny-dipping in the secretarial pool!”

4> “I remember the old days when we’d just photocopy our asses. Now, we have to out-source it to a graphics company so they can touch it up before IT posts it to the corporate Web site.”

3> “Don’t crash the Halliburton party next door — they’re asking 24 bucks for a Bud Light.”

2> “He’s your Secret Santa? Be careful. It took six prescriptions to get rid what he gave me last year.”

1> “You’re the boss’ wife? What a coincidence — I’m his bitch.”

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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]