The Top 15 Signs You Won’t Be Giving a Commencement Speech
15> Every time you get close to a microphone, your Ethel Merman compulsion takes over.
14> “That’s my monthly Vegas weekend. Can you move the ceremony to Monday?”
13> Even a graduation gown won’t hide that ankle bracelet.
12> A great Jedi you may be. A great orator not are you!
11> You are, most unfortunately, too engrossed with unraveling the Chicken of the Sea Paradox to impart your wisdom to appetent youth.
10> “What Would Omarosa Do?” is not a hot topic right now.
9> Working the graveyard shift at the convenience store, you generally don’t wake up until late afternoon.
8> You are in the middle of a very important court case. Also, you live with a chimp.
7> You were class valedictorian, only without the “vale” or the “torian.”
6> Your crowning achievement is membership in ClubTop5.
5> Not only are you a proud C student, but three years in, you still pronounce it “nook-culer.”
4> The only thing you’re about to commence is 25-to-life.
3> You can’t even look at tassels without waving a folded-up dollar bill in the air.
2> No shirt, no shoes, no speech.
1> Your highest “degree” is an honorary mail-order GED.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]