The Top 15 Selected Passages From the 20th Annual Cowboy Poetry Gathering

15> My old bronc, he done went wild,
threw me, and I swear he smiled
as I lay dazed, there in the grass,
plucking cactus from my ass.

14> Two roads diverged in a snowy wood,
and I reckoned I’d mosey down the one less headed-off,
and the way I see it, that made one heckuva difference.

13> I never saw a purple cow,
but one wouldn’t cause a fustle,
‘Twouldn’t matter ’bout its color, see?
It’s jist one more thing to rustle!

12> You say “perambulate.” I say “mosey.”
You say “greetings.” I say “howdy.”
“Perambulate,” “mosey,” “greetings,” “howdy.”
Let’s call the whole thang off.

11> Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
While more discerning men might disagree,
I’ve seen but cows and cowboys since May —
you got boobs and a pulse, you’re fine by me!

10> Denim sky stretched out above me.
O bovine and equine, sweet moos and sweet nays.
How do I love thee? Let me mount the ways.

9> I’m an old cow hand from the Rio Grande.
I’ve driven cattle all over this land.
I don’t have mad cow disease, I tell you true,
Or my name ain’t Quack Quack Whistledy-Moo.

8> I’ve got spurs that jingle jangle jingle,
but you’ll have to pay an extra $20 for that, pardner.

7> Twinkle twinkle, little star,
How you mock me from afar.
‘Neath your radiance, I lament.
Who in blazes stole my tent?

6> I signaled my horse in a code called Morse:
But the danged nag just stood like he was made of wood
‘Cause he can’t read.

5> Listen, my children, and you shall hear
of the windy effects of beans and beer.

4> We rode into town
to dance at the hoedown
when I first met my sweet Linda Sue.
I left my bed with a bound,
for in the morn’ I had found
in the night all them whiskers she’d grew.

3> Jack ‘n’ Jill went up Boot Hill,
’cause Jack, he had a hankerin’.
Tipped his cap, and said, “Gid’yap!”
as he gave her rump a spankerin’.

2> Tiger, tiger, burning bright
in the forest of the night.
How’d you get to cowboy plains
and what is it you’re stalking?
Have you come to feed on me,
or is it the peyote talking?

1> She rides in beauty, like the night,
upon her horse with blanket fleece.
In Rocky Mountain jeans so tight,
and smells of KC Masterpiece.

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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]