The Top 15 Questions on the Spice Girl Job Application

15. In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.

14. Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your hooters?

13. Would it, like, bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?

12. How would you best describe yourself?

( ) An energetic self-starter

( ) A team player

( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet

11. True or false: A mosh pit is the seed of the mosh fruit.

10. “I am willing to trade intimate relationshipual favors for a career in the music industry.”

( )Yes

( )No

9. How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?

8. Does nudity bother you? If so, should I put my clothes back on?

7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?

6. Are you deceptively attractive in colored or stroboscopic light?

5. Choose an appropriate nickname: Intimate Relationshipy, Nasty, Sweetie, Chlamydia.

4. Have you ever been convicted of combining vertical and horizontal stripes?

3. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in spandex?

2. Does the term “force majeure in perpetuity” make you afraid or just giggly?

1. If required as part of your deal with Satan, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles’s loneliness?