The Top 14 Signs Your Pet Has Been Doing Drugs

14> Your parakeet’s been whistling Pink Floyd and staring at the ceiling lately. 13> Mittens lets out a mellow-yet-plaintive mew when you channel-surf past SpongeBob. 12> There’s a trail of water and aquarium gravel leading from the fish bowl to the refrigerator. 11> Rover’s constantly burying clean poodle urine samples in the back yard. 10> You thought he was purring like a normal cat until you discovered his pager was vibrating non-stop. 9> Your Dave Matthews CDs and Hacky Sacks keep turning up in the Habitrail. 8> The hamster wheel is suddenly providing electricity for the entire block. 7> Every time the doorbell rings, she starts flushing her dog toys down the toilet. 6> Local street punks have started smoking your cat’s hairballs. 5> Polly wanna cracker, man… and a big bag of Doritos, a box of Fruity Pebbles and a microwave burrito. Oh! And a jelly donut! 4> When you ask him Who’s a good boy? he sits and ponders the answer for an hour. 3> Whoa… have you ever, like, looked at your paw? I mean, really LOOKED at your paw?!? 2> He’s so freaked out by the bubbling treasure chest that he hasn’t been out of his castle in six days. 1> Rusty’s not only stopped chasing his tail, now he’s accusing it of following him home. [ The Top 5 List ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]