The Top 12 Ways the Letter P Kicks Butt Over the Letter R

12> If you have a 12-inch recker, all you’ve got is a toy tow truck.

11> Lowercase and uppercase P have the same look and feel. What schizo designed the R set?

10> You can’t spell “Hurricane List” without R. Case closed.

9> At the edge of a cliff, imagine how much more satisfying it would be to *Push* Limbaugh.

8> P gets first dibs on Q’s stereo when the alphabet finally gets around to evicting him.

7> When P sponsors Sesame Street, it’s pretzels, popcorn, potato chips and pizza. With R, it’s radishes, rutabagas, rice cakes and rhubarb.

6> P is not just a letter. It’s a noun, a verb, a color *and* a flavor.

5> Without P, football players would be throwing asses around the field instead of just patting ’em in the endzone after a touchdown.

4> P. Diddy? Bling bling. R. Kelly? Sing Sing.

3> R doesn’t start to sound funny until you invest in a parrot and have a leg amputated..

2> R is just a P that tagged along when Q did that “let’s add a little tail to an existing letter and act like we’re all new and different” thing. Poseur.

1> When has “male genital organ” ever lost out to “rationality”?

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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]