The Top 12 Things on Charlie Brown’s To-Do List

12> Bite into Peppermint Patty and get the sensation.

11> Cash the Met Life policy and jet off to Juarez with the little red-haired girl to see if “collar and cuffs” match.

10> Speak to my shrink about that jazz piano music that follows me around everywhere.

9> Get Peppermint Patty that Indigo Girls album she’s been asking for.

8> Begin rap career as Snoop Master C.

7> Two words: new shirt

6> After bottling it up for almost 50 years, go to a local mall and just curse wildly at children for a few hours.

5> Get barber school tuition from Dad. Blow it on booze and hookers.

4> Tell the dog that if he can pilot a plane, he can get his own damn dinner.

3> Begin auditioning actresses for “It’s Your First Threesome, Charlie Brown.”

2> With Schultz finally out of the picture, stick that football where only Lucy’s proctologist can find it.

1> Get Prozac, get Rogaine, get Viagra, and get busy with the little red-haired girl.

[ The Top 5 List]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]