The Top 12 Fashion Tips From TopFive Contributors

12> Argyle condoms are too “busy.”

11> Black suits are slimming. White suits bring out skin tone. Day-Glo prison jump suits are free from the state.

10> Damn, man… Close your robe.

9> Diagonal chainlink? Klingon! Horizontal chainlink? Just makes you look tubby.

8> Douse all garments in grape juice and pizza sauce upon purchase. Get it over with.

7> Dressing in colors that match your cubicle can render you invisible to your boss.

6> Emulating film and music stars is usually considered chic, but take my word for it — trying to duplicate Jennifer Lopez’s ass is just… not… worth it.

5> Sure, a tight black sweater looks good *now*, but what’s it going to look like after the milk shoots out your nose?

4> “Days of the Week” underpants are a double-edged sword.

3> A T-shirt covered in vomit is always cleaner on the inside.

2> Plaid goes with everything; everything goes with plaid.

1> You will never wet your underwear if you do not wear underwear.

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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]