Redneck Jedi

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If…

– You’ve ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
– Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
– You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm
Strawberry Hill.
– At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
– You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
– You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
– You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
– The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
– Wookies are offended by your B.O.
– You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t
have to wait for a commercial.
– You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
– Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the
darkside…it’ll be a hoot.”
– You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock
thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
– You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
– You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks like a
little sissy in that vest.
– You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
– You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in
through the window.
– Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had
a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
– You ever fell in love with your sister.
– You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as
“them damn Yankees.”
– You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
– You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.
– You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the
cantina scene.
– In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow “just ain’t right.”
– If the man you’re looking for is named Billy-Bob Kenobi
– If you ever used C-3PO or R2D2 to jumpstart your X-Wing.
– If you ever tied deer to your landspeeder.
– Whenever you blow up a Death Star, you can’t help but say “Yeeee
Haaawww!”
– Your visit to Dagobah was just an excuse to get in some good fishin’ and
wear your waders.
– You have a John Deere flight helmet. Or a Caterpillar one. Or both.
– You understand how being in zero-g can ruin a good chaw. (Spitting’s a
lot less fun, for one thing)
– When your father cuts off your arm with a light saber, the first thought
that runs through your head is “Dang! How am I gonna use my shotgun
*now*?”
– You’ve actually said “Han… I *love* you, man!” in an attempt to get
his beer.
– You think the Empire’s just a bunch of Commie Fay-gits, and we oughta
just blow ’em all up and the Force sort ’em out.
– You’re a member of the NLA (National Lightsaber Association.) and have a
rack on the back of your landspeeder and/or x-wing fighter and/or Banta.
– You can moon your buddies without crashing your X-wing.
– Before R2D2 can get into your x-wing, you’ve gotta clear the empty beer
cans out of the back.
– Not only do you know what an Ewok tastes like, but you know how to skin
one, and can recognize their “spoor”.