Quips & Quotes on the Office

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees.”
– Switching Supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division
Did you ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough
time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that
they don’t have enough time to do all their work?
“The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in
the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my
friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was
stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got
on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, “Dressed a little
casually today, aren’t we?” The man replied, “That’s one benefit of owning the
company.”
“Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job
WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.”
– Unknown
Being punctual in our office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never
anybody around to appreciate it.
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.”
– Unknown
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir.” the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just
fine,” the boss continued. “After you left the office early yesterday to go to
your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you!”
“Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.”
– Unknown
Our office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have
computers which spoke as well as listened, some of them even got ulcers.
“We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.”
– Unknown
Stevenson’s boss came into his office one morning and caught him hugging his
secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for?!” Stevenson
replied, “Nope, I do this for free!”
“Arguing with an Engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig: After
a few hours, you realize the pig likes it.”
– Unknown
The pretty new temp was standing in front of the paper shredder with a
confused look on her face. Stevenson asked if she needed any help and she said,
“Yeah, how does this thing work?” He took the papers from her hand and
demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another
confused expression, so Stevenson said, “Any questions?” She said, “Yeah…
exactly where do the copies come out from?”
“This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.”
– Unknown