Occupational Descriptions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and thevalue of nothing.An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets allthe wounded.A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun isshining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things hepredicted yesterday didn’t happen today.A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks thepersonality to be an accountant.An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, becausethat decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on theplane. (Laurence J. Peter)A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know youhad in a way you don’t understand.A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black catwhichisn’t there. (Charles R. Darwin)A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between acoffee cup and a doughnut.A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls ita “brief.” (Franz Kafka)A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautifulwoman enters the room.A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.A schoolteacher is a disillusioned person who used to think s/heliked children.A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist andtells you the time.A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a waythat you will look forward to the trip.