The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered
an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired
straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every
inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the
general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of
points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the
pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of
his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the
tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked
out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where
to measure, he told the pension man … “From the tip of my
male genital organ to the bottom of my testicles.” The pension man suggested
that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider,
pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had
received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that
would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to
do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the
pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of
the general’s male genital organ and began to work back. “My God!” he said.
“Where are your testicles?” The general replied, “In Vietnam.”