Men and Women

Men are vain and spend at least ten minutes a day looking in a
mirror.
Women are crazy and check their reflection in every single
object they see that reflects such as mirrors, windows, cars,
TVs…

Women take a bath/shower every single day to ensure they are
clean and smell nice.
Men use deodorent.

Women put on new clothes every single day and often spend up to
an hour switching things around until she finds a good
combination.
Men put on the closest thing on the floor or in the closet.

Women paint their nails.
Men bite their nails.

Men cannot hug someone of the same intimate relationship without wondering whether
they are gay or having their friends wonder if they are gay.
Women can not only hug their friends, but do so in public places
without ANYONE wondering if they are a lesbian.

To women farting is a rude embarrassing noise.
To men farting is a constant source of amusement.

Women try to hide cuts and bruises because they are flaws.
Men compare cuts and bruises to see who has the biggest one.

Men can’t go a day without rearranging his family jewels. (dick)
Women never have to rearrange their privates.

Men go to the hospital if blood spews from their privates.
Women use a tampon.

Women date preparation; two hours.
Men date preparation; five minutes.

Women dress up for; shopping, sports, school, work, holidays,
parties, hanging out with a friend, going to the movies, going
bowling, lying around the house, reading, and watching TV.
Men dress up for; weddings, funerals

When women forget to shave no one notices.
When men forget to shave the whole world knows.

Women’s magazines feature half naked women, that women ogle at,
wishing they looked like them.
Men’s magazines feature fully naked women, that men lust after.

Women’s chores are simple things like cooking and cleaning.
Men’s chores are dangerous things like putting up the Christmas
lights on the roof and checking out loud noises at night.

Men are stronger.
Women are smarter.

Women know they’re weaker.
Men think they’re geniuses.

Women are sure they look horrid and ugly and that all the men
like that girl over there more then the like her.
Men think they are god’d gift to women.

When men get a cold, they are dying and stay in bed for two
weeks.
When women are dying, they just have a cold and continue to run
around doing errands and chores.

In conclusion; men and women just do not go together. Why isn’t
everyone gay?