1. Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively
to lawyers? It’s called, Sosumi.
2. Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest
stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them…and people
couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
3. How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good
hanging from a tree.
4. How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future
lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
5. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then
he lies on the other.
6. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are
7. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue
the ladder company.
8. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you
could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read your
9. What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look
10. What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of
lawyers do? He threatened to release one every hour if his
demands were not met.
11. What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common? They
are both extinct.
12. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? It takes 300,000
of them to make one human being.
13. What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in
cement? Not enough cement.
14. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? A round of Skeet.
15.What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
15. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
16. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
17. What does a lawyer do after intimate relationship? Pays the bill.
18. What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
19. What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
20. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The
21. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The
prostitute stops screwing you after you are dead.
22. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The
lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
23. What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One
is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
24. Where can you find a good lawyer? The nearest cemetery.
25. Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? To practice.
26. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country,
and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got