HUMOR New 1-Liners

A few choice 1-Liners. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?I intend to live forever – so far, so goodFor Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterolI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasmEagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet enginesEarly bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheeseI’m not cheap, but I am on special this weekWhy do psychics have to ask you for your name?I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we metI love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravyIf you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 StatesQuantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people haveTelevangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder …24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence?If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!OK, so what’s the speed of dark?Black holes are where God divided by zero.All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.