Herman and Martha were happily married for…

Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The
only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking
wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha
and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for
air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning. Herman told her that he couldn’t help it. She begged him to
visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn’t
hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then
he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn’t
stop, he was one day going to “fart his guts out.”

The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued
to ignore her warnings about “farting his guts out” until one Christmas
morning. Before dawn, Martha went downstairs to prepare the family feast.
She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkeys innards, a thought occurred to the wife
as to how she might solve her husband’s problem. With a devilish grin on her
face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs
hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly
asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband’s
jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband’s
underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to
finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard Herman awake with his normal loud ass
trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. Martha
could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the
floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten
even. About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to
keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.

“Honey,” he said. “You were right – all those years you warned me
and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked Martha.

“Well, you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and
these two fingers, I think I got ’em all back in.”