English is really crazy
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce,
and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of
booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the
weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out,
and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they
are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up
this essay, I end it.