Dominican Funeral

An old couple in Santo Domingo was puzzled when the coffin
of their dead relative arrived from the USA. The corpse was
so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that her face was
practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the
coffin, they found a letter pinned to her chest, which

Dearest Papi & Mami:

I am sending you Tia Juana’s remains for the funeral in the
Santo Domingo Cemetery.

Sorry I couldn’t come along as the expenses were too high.
You will find inside the coffin, under Tia’s body, 12 cans
of Bumble Bee Tuna, 12 bottles of Paul Mitchell Shampoo and
12 bottles Paul Mitchell Conditioner, 12 Vaseline Intensive
Care Skin Lotion, 12 Colgate Toothpaste and 12 cans of
Spam. Just divide it among the family.

On Tia’s feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8) for
Joseito. There are four pairs of Reeboks under her head for
Antonio’s sons. Tia is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts –
one is for Roberto and the rest are for his sons.

Tia is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (my favorite),
just divide it among the ladies. The 2 dozen Victoria’s
Secret panties that she is wearing should be distributed
among my nieces and cousins. Tia is also wearing eight
Docker pants, please keep one for yourself and the rest are
for the boys.

The Swiss watch you asked for is on Tia Juana’s left wrist
and she is also wearing what you asked for Mami (earrings,
ring and necklace) just please get them before anyone
arrives to view the body. Also, the six pairs of Chanel
stockings that she is wearing must be divided among the
teen-age girls there. I hope the colors are to their

Your loving daughter,

P.S. Please find Tia a dress for her funeral.