Camping Tips

* When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep
the campsites on either side vacant.

* Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump
apart and eating all the ants.

* Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an
open fire.

* When smoking a fish, never inhale.

* A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot
enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

* The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.

* Steer clear of parks named for landfills.

* While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife
has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe
paddle.

* Modern rain suits made of fabrics that “breathe” enable campers to stay dry
in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been
proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

* Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from
navel before applying the match.

* You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north
side of your compass.

* You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a
plastic garbage bag with several geese.

* When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to
wipe your nose on.

* You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over
it with your car.