20 Fun things to do when you’re a butcher!

1.Smear blood all over your white coat and stand out in the
store.When someone ask’s for your assistance,say in your most
gruesome voice “I don’t work here”
2.Pull your hand up through your sleeve until it disappears,walk
out into a crowd of customers,grab a roast and say”I hope I have
better luck this time”
3.When someone brings you a piece of meat that they want
cut,bring it to your machine,flip the switch and scream at the
top of your lungs
4.Name every piece of meat you display,talk to it like a
pet,scratch it,and say things like “See all better now” and
“Well Bob,Ol’ buddy-It was sure nice knowing ya”
5.Put a diaper on the rump roast
6.Splash warm water in your eyes,so it looks like you’re
crying,carry a whole chicken out into the store,look at anyone
in sight and say”Lung Cancer”-Better yet,use a smoked chicken in
that case
7.When someone asks you to cut the cheese,tighten up your
stomach muscles until your face gets really red,exhale and say
“Sorry,come back after lunch”
8.Set a chicken out into the middle of the floor,reach down and
roll it,as it’s rolling say “Get back here”
9.When you see someone buying hamburger,show them a package of
Tripe Menudo,and say “Here,the stomach will go great with that”
10.Display chicken feet,hound everyone to try one,the smell
alone will make them puke.
11.When asked to cut the bologna,look really discouraged,cry if
you can,and walk away like a pouty 5 year old
12.Snort like a pig when working with ham,say things like “She’s
a live one”–and “Someone wanna give this beauty a new home”
13.Bring your dog to work.Walk him into your work room,turn on
any loud machine,and then return to the store carrying nothing
but his collar,when people give you that puzzled look,say “He
was old”
14.Your bloody coat allows you to look mental,take advantage of
this-feel free to say things like “8 years gone because of that
bitch” and
“I’m hearing those voices again”
15.Wait on imaginary customers
16.Place a sign on your whole country ham that says
$11.99—Good with Children
17.Go to work with a live chicken in one hand,and a chainsaw in
the other.
18.Offer every lady to try your slab of meat
19.Take a hammer to a piece of steak and beat the hell out of
it.When someone courious enough to ask wonders what the hell
you’re doing say “Look man,I don’t like beating my meat in
public,but it does relieve tention”
20.Whenever you have to fart,rush out and grab a rump
roast–just say “It’s still a little gassy”