19 putdowns and rejections!
1 Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
2 Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
3 Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”
4 The rebuttal to a turn-down: Man: “Want to Dance?” Woman: “No thanks.” Man: “Don’t thank me, thank God because somebody asked you.”
5 Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?” Woman: “It’s in the phone book.” Man: “But I don’t know your name.” Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
6 Man: “So what do you do for a living?” Woman: “Female impersonator.”
7 Man: “You know, I’d really love to travel to exotic places with you.” Woman: (tries to ignore him) Man: “You know what? I also love intimate relationship. What do you say to that?” Woman: “Hmmm…you really love intimate relationship and travel?” Man: (nods his head smiling) Woman: “Then go take a fuckin’ hike!!!”
8 I like the line I once heard in a movie. This guy was trying to pick up this girl, and she said to him, “Can you pound a railroad spike through a 2×4 with your hard-on?” To which he merely shudders a negative. She says, “Well, a girl’s gotta have her standards.”
9 Man: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?) Woman: “Je voudrais bien, mais je n’ai rien a porter.” (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear
10 Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking.
11 A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pick-up line. She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, “Sorry, I don’t see any potential here” and nonchalantly walks off.
12 And here’s one including the correct snappy return Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” Woman: “Unfertilized, fuck off!”
13 After hearing a pick-up line: Woman: “I like your approach, now let’s see your departure.”
14 A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60’s approach her in a club while she was in college with the line, “Where have you been all my life?” She took one glance at him and said, “For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.”
15 A friend of mine came up with a very quick response over vacation. We were walking down the street and I glanced at a girl who had just walked by. She turned around and said to me, “What are you looking at?” My friend, walking next to me came to the rescue, “He thought you were good looking, but he was mistaken.”
16 While at college, a few friends were discussing how their “passes” had been rejected by the intended female recipient. One of the ladies explained how she handled it once… When the guy, obviously getting irritated, blurted out something like, “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!” She responded, “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!” He immediately blanched, and decided that maybe he would look someplace else.
17 The attractive young woman was sitting at the bar, alone, when the lounge lizard made his move. “I’m here,” he breathed huskily, “to fulfill your every intimate relationshipual fantasy.” The woman turned and looked at him. Her lips parted and she moistened them with the tip of her tongue. She leaned toward him with her hands on her thighs, and her eyes opened to the size of dinner plates. She paused just a second and then delivered the crusher line, “You’ve got a large donkey or Doberman?”
18 “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
19 Man: “Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time.” Woman: “You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can’t cash.”