World’s Smartest Gorilla
Mr. Goldberg went to the zoo one day. While he was standing in
front of the gorilla’s enclosure, he noticed the gorilla watching him
intently. The man waved at the gorilla, the gorilla waved back. He
patted his stomach and the gorilla copied him. He jumped up and down,
the gorilla started jumping. He made faces, pulled his hair, hopped on
one foot, spun in a circle, and beat on his chest. His antics were
copied exactly by the gorilla in the cage.
All of a sudden the wind gusted and he got some grit in his
eye. Mr. Goldberg rubbed his eye, trying to make it better. While doing
so he stepped closer and closer to the cage. As he pulled his
eyelid down to dislodge the particle, the gorilla went crazy, banged
against the bars, reached out, grabbed the nearly blinded Goldberg and
beat him senseless. When the zoo keeper came to Mr. Goldberg,
he told the keeper what had happened. The zoo keeper nodded and
explained that in gorilla language pulling down your eyelid
means “fuck you.”
The explanation didn’t make the gorilla’s victim feel any better
but he accepted it. As he left he became madder and madder. He plotted
his revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two
party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the
sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla’s
cage, into which he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that the big ape liked to mimic people, he put on a party
hat. The gorilla looked at him, and looked at the hat, and put it on.
Next he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his
horn and did the same. He twirled in a circle blowing the horn. The
gorilla did the same. Then Goldberg picked up his knife and waved it
over his head. Again the gorilla copied it. Next he whipped the
sausage out of his pants, and sliced it neatly in two. The gorilla
looked at the knife in his big hairy hand, looked at his own crotch, and
pulled down his eyelid.