Top 5 Bar Jokes

1. A woman walks into a bar with her well-groomed poodle. She
yells, “this place is a pigstye.” The bartender comes up to her
and say,”How can you bring that creature in here? The woman
exclaims, “I’ll have you know that this is a prize winning
poodle. The guy says, “I wasn’t talkin to you, lady.”

2. A guy came into a bar one night and ordered two beers. He
drinks the first one and poors the second one over his hand. He
does this three times. He orders a beer. He drinks one and poors
the other one over his hand. The bartender asks him, “You’re
payin for the beers so I don’t care but im just wonderin, what
are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m gettin my date drunk.”

3. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have the
Salmon Salad. The bartender says, “We dont serve food here.”

4. This guy tells his friend about a bar where if you drink two
beers, you get laid. The guy says, “Great, lets go!” They both
go and have two beers. Nothing happens. They do it agin. Still
Nothing. The guy says, “I thought you said we would get laid.”
“I don’t know, that’s what my sister told me.”

5. A guy is playin a piano in a bar and he has a monkey on the
piano. The monkey drinks a few beers and starts dancing around
the bar. He pees in some guy’s beer. He walks over to the piano
player and says, “Do you know your monkey just pissed in my
drink?” “No, but if you hum a few bars maybe i’ll catch on.”