Top 19 List of Reasons Why Dogs Don’t Use Computers

19. Can’t stick our heads out of Windows 95.

18. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

17. Hard to read the monitor with our heads cocked to one side.

16. Too difficult to “mark” every website we visit.

15. Can’t help attacking the screen when we hear “You’ve got mail!”.

14. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

13. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway that we’re browsing http://www.purina.com!

12. Not fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11. Still trying to come up with an ’emoticon’ that signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL… with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.

8. ‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other paw…

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating owner’s voice recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test!

5. SIT and STAY were hard enough; GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets might difficult to maneuver.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master’s.leg.

2. General sniffing, growls, and howls are more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

1. Tro[gO DsR],bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WelJTyH PAzWqS;(Too Darn Hard To Type With Paws)