The Top 13 Quotes From the Iraqi Minister of Information (Part II)

13> “A purchase from Miracle Mohammed’s Used Car Lot and Transportation Emporium will last a thousand lifetimes!”

12> “I tell you, there has been no disruption whatsoever of the Iraqi television broadcasting schedule. Now please stay tuned for an all-new episode of ‘That ’70s Show’.”

11> “As you can clearly you can see on this Betamax tape, Saddam is alive and well.”

10> “Elite Iraqi Republican Guard have maintained control of our great land by cleverly disguising themselves as enemy soldiers, and are now shooting and capturing coalition soldiers who have deceitfully disguised themselves as brave Iraqi warriors.”

9> “The American press are simpering dogs, curled at the feet of the infidel cowboy, Bush. They do nothing but spread propaganda and lies. Oh, but I like that O’Reilly fellow. He’s fair and balanced.”

8> “We have no weapons of mass destruction, only new Palace-Strength Black Flag Ant and Roach Spray.”

7> “The American and British armies have surrendered on the outskirts of Kirkuk to a group of small children armed only with dried goat bladders.”

6> “Those holes in my Toyota’s door were put there intentionally by the previous owner for ventilation.”

5> “We have said many times that we do not have chemical or biological weapons. The chemical suits are to protect us from the excessive flatulence of the Americans, many of whom eat large amounts of Mexican food.”

4> “I did NOT… HAVE… POLITICAL… RELATIONS with that man, Mr. Hussein.”

3> “Stupid-looking beret on my head? That is foolish coalition propaganda. There is no stupid-looking beret on my head. This is merely a stupid-looking hairdo.”

2> “The great Saddam holds the American imperialists in such contempt, he occasionally defecates into his own fatigues at the mere mention of their mercenary forces.”

1> “We will show America the same strong hand of justice I showed last night to my lover, Britney Spears. Four times.”

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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]