Ode to beer

‘You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.’ – Frank Zappa.’Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.’ – Ernest Hemingway.’Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.’ – Winston Churchill.’He was a wise man who invented beer.’ – Plato.’Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.’ – Catherine Zondonella.’A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.’ – W. C. Fields.’Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.’ – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. ‘Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.’ – Churchill’s reply.’Sir, you’re drunk!’ – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. ‘Yes madam, and you’re ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.’ – Churchill’s reply.’If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.’ – David Daye.’When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.’ – Henny Youngman.’Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.’ – Benjamin Franklin.’If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.’ – Jack Handy.’Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.’ – Dave Barry.’The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.’ – Humphrey Bogart.’Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.’ – David Moulton.’People who drink light beer don’t like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.’ – Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.’Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.’ – Kaiser Wilhelm.’I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.’ – Homer Simpson.’Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.’ – Unknown’I drink to make other people interesting.’ – George Jean Nathan.’They who drink beer will think beer.’ – Washington Irving.’An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.’ – Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.’You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.’ – Dean Martin.’All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.’ – Homer Simpson.