Demerit System used by Women

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is. In
the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points
are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects…

Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point
system.

Simple Duties
You make the bed…………………………………………..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………………..-1
You leave the toilet seat up………………………………..-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty………………0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…….-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night …………………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing……………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something………..+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………………..+10
It’s her father……………………………………….-10

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party…..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy…….-2
Named Tiffany……………….-4
Tiffany is a dancer………….-6
Tiffany has implants…………-8

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner…………………………….0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar……………………………..-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night………………………..-3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team………………-10

Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely……………………-20
You forget your anniversary………………………….-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station…………..-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey……………………….-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast……………-60

A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal …………………………………..-5
And the pal is happily married ……………………….-4
Or frighteningly single ……………………………..-7
And he drives a Mustang……………………………..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) …………-15
You have a few beers…………………………………-9
And miss curfew by an hour…………………………..-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn’t call…………-20
You get home at 3 am………………………………..-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ..-40

Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
work……………..+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real
late……….+10
You wait up………………………………………………+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed…+20

A Night Out
You take her to a movie…………………………………..+2
You take her to a movie she likes………………………….+4
You take her to a movie you hate ………………………….+6
You take her to a movie you like…………………………..-2
It’s called DeathCop 3……………………………………-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ………-15

Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it’s expected………………… 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ….+20
You give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself ……+30
And she contracts Lyme disease…………………………….-25

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly………………………….-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it….+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts…….-30
You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one too”………-800

Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical…………….-5
Something she can’t use…………………………………..-10
Such as a motorized model airplane………………………….-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday………………-40

Driving
You lost the directions on a trip………………………….-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost…………….-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……………..-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal………-25
You know them…………………………………………..-60

The Big Question
She asks, “Do I look fat?” ……………………………….-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding……………………………….-10
You reply, “Where?”………………………………………-35

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression…………..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……….+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep……………-20