I wouldn’t

I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to...

Sarcasm is

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for you.” Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after...

If we

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. A closed mouth gathers no feet....

WANTED: Meaningful

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore. So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are...

Those who

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged. She’s...

Stop repeat

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them! Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?I intend to live forever – so far, so good.Who is General Failure and...